want to die.

its really hard to stay strong now that i feel im not the one in control anymore. its impossible. feeling so terrible about jacob i think was half the reason i left work sick this morning. now dad isnt going to tasmania which kind of ruins my weekend with will. i dont know what to do about gym tonight. i know nothing will happen but knowing jacob will probably be there makes me so unsure. if will isnt coming over then i will go. then do i call in sick for work tomorrow? and then sofie is trying to hang on saturday. i dont know what to do and i cant make a choice, even when i do i change my mind. im really not in the mood for stereosonic at all. everything is all messed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate break ups. i thought i was fine but now the jealousy has kicked in i feel like shit. i want to be back with jacob its the only thing that would make me feel better right now but i know its not a good idea for the long run. kill me